Asexual dating is not the easiest thing in the world for a lot of reasons. The number one reason is that there are not many people in the world who identify as asexual. Some researches estimate that only around 1% or less of the world population is asexual. Because of that, ace folks might sometimes face difficulty in finding the right partner.
As it happens for all different romantic or sexual preferences, some dating sites and apps are developed exclusively to help asexual people find a healthy relationship. Even on large websites, they can set their priorities for asexual partners. Other times, they can find a person they like and choose to open about the matter later.
In general, asexual dating sites work much like any other. There are some sites mainly dedicated to ace people.
Asexualitic, for example, is an asexual dating site counting with 55,000 users and promises to deliver an excellent experience to people who do not feel sexual attraction. While you can find many asexual partners on the site, the number of members online is usually low. Also, you can’t be sure that you will find members nearby.
Dating sites for asexual people offer groups so they can meet online quickly. Since physical contact is not something you are urging for, sometimes a web relationship might be good enough. Then you can visit your partner on the weekends or once a month. What truly matters, in this case, is the love being real.
One of the most incredible benefits of finding other asexual people is feeling validated even if they do not live close to you. Sometimes you do not have anyone near you who is also asexual. Finding another person to talk about it can make you feel better about your experiences.
Pros of Asexual Dating
This section is dedicated both for asexual people and for non-asexual people reading this out of curiosity. The best thing for ace men and women would be to find an ace partner to be their partner. Why?
There is no discussion about sexual activities, as no side wants that
No one gets worried about their partner cheating to satisfy sexual needs
They can talk about their experiences as asexual people in a society where sex is used even to sell products
They don’t feel any pressure in physical/sexual contact as they would feel with a non-ace partner
Although the best for an ace is to find ace partners, this is not always possible. If you do not identify yourself as an ace but still fall in love with an ace person, there are still good things about it. Here is how asexual dating can be good for non-asexual people:
In case you do not have that much libido all the time, you will not feel any pressure about having sex
When your partner is asexual, you know they truly love you for who you are
Asexual partners hardly cheat; you won’t find out that your husband or wife had sex with someone else, for example
Cons of Asexual Dating
When talking about asexual dating, disadvantages mostly exist for relationships between asexual and non-asexual partners. Because, let’s face the facts, dating an ace partner is probably what most ace people want. If they are not interested in sex, the best thing is to date and even marry someone who feels the same way about it.
Now, it also happens that ace men and women fall in love with non-ace partners. When that happens, both sides usually make some concessions to make the relationship work. Still, at first or at last, some things might be unavoidable. See below disadvantages for non-ace people dating ace men and women:
Your sexual needs might not be completely satisfied.
Getting naked with each other might not feel natural for your partner, even if not in a sexual way.
Talking about sexual fantasies can be pointless since your partner isn’t sexually attracted.
These are the downsides for people who are interested in sex. If you are a very sexual person, getting with an asexual person might be a challenging experience. For your asexual partner, it will be as challenging too.
Disadvantages that can show up for asexual folks in a relationship with non-ace people include:
Your partner is always horny, but you do not want to have sex all the time, or you don’t want it at all
Your partner might want to look for someone else for sexual fulfillment while still in a relationship with you
You do not like nudity, but your partner wants to see you naked
Tips for finding a successful match On Asexual Dating Sites
Finding a partner is always an adventure. There are so many variables that show up every time you are looking for singles, and a lot matters when you are asexual.
First of all, you have two options to find a partner for a romantic relationship at dating sites. The most obvious is to find a dating site dedicated to asexual people across the globe. The problem with that is, you might only find people who live too far from you. Asexual singles are hard to find, and when you do, they might live in another city or even another country.
Do not worry, though. Even though the paragraph above might sound pessimistic, it is only odds. You might find a partner in your area. Better yet, sometimes you can register at a massive dating site and find non-ace men and women who are okay with dating ace people like you. Depending on how you feel about sex, it might not be a big deal.
Now, if you are a non-ace person looking for tips on how to date asexual partners, there are indeed some tips for you. The first thing is to try to understand what asexuality is, and to talk to the person you are interested in how it is for them. Sexualities do not manifest equally for everyone. Because of that, you need to understand how your potential partner feels about sex, nudity, etc. in case you are interested in sex.
Both for asexual and non-asexual people, it is best to clear things up right away when engaging in a relationship. If you are ace, tell it straight up. Set your boundaries, and if your partner agrees with them, then good for you two. If you are non-ace, the best thing to do is read about asexuality and respect your partner’s boundaries. Sometimes they enjoy sex once in a while or get horny even if their brains do not feel sexually attracted. Bodies work differently for everyone, after all.
If your partner disagrees with your boundaries on sex, then the best thing might be to look for someone else. Even though some non-ace people sometimes might say that sex isn’t a big deal, not having sex can become frustrating in the long term. Both parties need to figure out how they will deal with it before committing to a long-term relationship.
Myths and Misconceptions About Asexual Dating
This part goes more to the non-ace readers, as the ace readers already know a lot about their being asexual. Like many things that are not so usual, there are many things not told about asexuality. Many people don’t even know that such a thing exists. After all, we live in a society where the expected is to have sex and engage in relationships where you will have sex. Most people like sex and are sexually attracted to other people. Some, though, feel attraction differently.
When a person is asexual, it means they will not feel sexually attracted to other people. They will not look at a body and think, “oh my, I am wet/hard now.” Attractiveness for them resides in other characteristics of people. Because of that, asexuals are still able to have partners and love them. A relationship for an asexual person always starts as a romantic attraction, never as sexual attraction.
That can be the opposite of how most people start relationships since it is common to feel both attractions simultaneously in our culture. Other times people develop romantic interest from sexual attraction.
What about nudity? It depends. Some asexual people feel disgusted by looking at others being naked around them. That is not general, of course. Many asexuals don’t care about nudity. They see it as a natural thing and not in a sexual way. They might even find it surprising when they are naked around an allosexual (everyone who is non-ace), and their partner gets horny and says, “Hey, I want to have sex.” Because to them, it doesn’t work like that. They might not link nudity to feeling sexual arousal.
One common misconception people might have about asexuals is whether they have sex or even enjoy it. Most can think that asexuals won’t have sex in any circumstance. Well, that is not true. Although asexuals are not in a relationship for the sexual part of it, they might engage in sexual activities. It will vary from one person to another, of course. Some genuinely do not like sex and will feel uncomfortable just at the thought of it. Others might have sex with a partner they already love regularly.
So, if you find yourself dating an asexual partner, you need to let them tell you how they feel about all the things that allosexuals consider to be normal. Like, how do they feel about getting naked? What are their thoughts on sex?
After all, within the asexual community, some people call themselves “sex-aversed.” These are ace men and women who are genuinely grossed out at the thought of sex. On the other hand, though, you can find stories of couples where only one of the parties is ace, and they can have sex and enjoy it. It is different for everyone.
Tips For Successful Asexual Dating
Again, this section can be helpful both for allosexual and asexual folks reading. Asexual dating might be tricky for many, but it is not helpless. The ideal scenario for ace men and women would be to find an ace partner on some asexual dating app. That doesn’t happen all the time, so let’s think about the possibilities of when an ace dates an allosexual partner, alright?
Some tips here will be directed at the ace crowd, while some at the allo crowd. You will probably know when which is which.
When you are dating an asexual person, you need to know what asexuality means. Above, you already could read some info about it. Because of that, now you know that asexuals are not all equal. They are not all sex-grossed. Some are, while some even have sex. Mostly, though, when asexuals are looking for a partner, they are not looking for a hot person to satisfy them physically. They are looking for a loving partner who will support them. Does this sound familiar to you? Well, this is how relationships work, after all. Asexual dating only does not include the sexual side.
Allosexual people might wonder if asexual people do even kiss. Well, this also depends. If you are already aware that your dating partner is asexual, ask them how they feel about kissing. After all, kissing is a demonstration of love. For allosexuals, it might lead to something else, but other times kissing is just kissing. If your partner does not want to kiss, even less french kiss, then don’t push it.
One thing that you need to disconnect is physical closeness from sexual intimacy. Just because your asexual partner doesn’t want to touch you sexually doesn’t mean they won’t like to cuddle. Sure, that will also depend on your partner. Still, do not think that the two things are the same. Most of the time, you can cuddle with your ace partner.
Now, what about a long term relationship with an asexual partner? How to cope with the lack of sex? It just happens that not all asexual men and women are sex-aversed. They are not actively interested in it, but they might end up having sex and enjoying it. You can talk to your partner about it in case you need to have sex. Sometimes they can enjoy it every few days, weeks, etc. Or instead of penetration, they might enjoy stimulating you in some other way. If they are not sex-aversed, they can like the thought of making you feel good. That can be through some sexual stimulation that doesn’t push them off their boundaries.
As for asexual guys and girls getting into a relationship with an allo partner, you also need to know if they will not push your boundaries. Ask them about their sexual desires and how they feel if they do not have sex regularly. Even though they do not identify as asexuals, some people do not have such high libido. They wouldn’t need much to satisfy their sexual desires, then.
The problems would appear when someone who has a high libido and needs for sexual activity meets and connects with an asexual partner. Managing that could be hard for both. One way out will be if the ace partner doesn’t mind having sex. This is rare, but some ace people might enjoy sex more than once in a while if some stories you can read online are genuine. They only do feel sexual attraction before getting to know someone.
The last thing that you can grasp from all of this is that talking is essential when you are dating an asexual partner, or you are the asexual in the relationship. If you are asexual, you do not need to have sex to satisfy your partner. Tell them how you feel about it. It is your body, after all.
Asexuality is not common, but talking about it is essential. It is good to raise awareness on the subject and to talk about how it is for asexual people to date. This blog post tried to make it easy for allosexual folks to understand what asexuality is and how they should behave may they fall in love with an ace partner.
There are many things usually left unsaid about essential topics. Covering all parts of asexual dating is impossible here, but if you would like to know anything more about it, you should go to Reddit and read what asexuals have to say. Find the communities and reach to their members. Asexual dating is possible, and there are plenty of stories about it. There are plenty of happy couples too.
Are you asexual? Do not be afraid of getting into dating. With all information and tips written here, you should find your way with ease through asexual dating apps. The best thing when you find someone you like is to talk with them. Talking always makes things easier.